"I created this on the website that you suggested. You all should try it. It is fun and insightful. I like mine. :-)

It is my purpose to express kindness and empathy to others through my insight and intelligence. To share my wisdom and experience by extending patience and being supportive to those in need of my time and compassion. To see obstacles as stepping stones rather than walls and to share my story with those that come to me for guidance. To advance in my workplace, maintain my health and well being and to develop closer relationships. I fully expect to have obtained at least $100,000.00 by 12/10/2011."


***I have no idea what this is???
Did I write this?
It's weird.

I worry a lot about dying.
Or maybe worry is wrong
I THINK about death
a lot of the time
what it means
why we fear it so
what happens when we are dead
I know what happens to the living
They grieve, they suffer, they cry
but the dead?
What do they do
What do they become
I think about the very first person that ever died
there has to be the first one
what did people think
were they afraid
Someone is there and then -a gasp, a shudder and they're still THERE but NOT
No light no movement .... nothing
So mysterious that must have been.

Wednesday November 6, 2019

I was thinking that 30 years ago I was a very fucked up girl.
It's amazing to think that we are parts of the same person.
I remember that girl, her pain, her confusion, her exhaustion
but always dosed with a little bit of hope
it could get better
it might get better
IT HAS TO GET BETTER......
And it has
gotten better
Just when you are ready to give up
hanging by your fingernails
Just when you are ready to scream
because:
NOTHING HAS CHANGED!!!
tap your heals together
blink twice, make a wish
lay sobbing on the floor
Dry your tears, pull yourself up
Look around
AND,,,,,,,,
Everything has changed.
Yeah, like it's that easy! HA.HA.

It is hard to imagine that I am 62 years old.
It sounds odd.
I don't understand where the time went.
I don't understand where I went.
Or everyone else.
So many missing
lost to the depths of despair, submerged in sadness
letting go floating away
so suddenly all of the time
without warning
Here.....now gone
I am so removed from the me that I was
I feel like it is another person when I think of her
And I think of her often
Trying hard to understand how
She is who I evolved from
The way I became the me that I am now.

Debra, I had to reply to your post. I felt as though I was reading my own personal journal. I cannot tell you what it feels like to know that I am not alone in my beliefs or feelings or whatever this qualifies as.. Maybe I wouldn't even need to explain it to you, it sounds as though you "get it" I have been opening myself up to being more aware of like minded individuals and have not been disappointed by what I am discovering. There are, indeed, many of us who feel very much the same, but because we have conducted most of our lives in a "polite" manner and always simply put on that "smile" and rode out all of the types of encounters that we dread those around us do not really know that we feel the way that we do inside. I have been contemplating this: we may be surrounded by many who feel exactly as we do but they are simply "putting on the show" same as us. A shift in perception, an awakening, is all that might be needed to find that we need only turn our attention slightly in a different direction to discover a whole new life, a whole new world of possiblilities. A world where we not only belong, and are good enough but where our presence is vital and important.... Thank you for writing. I hope we meet again sometime. May your days be blessed by acceptance and authenticity. Happy New Year

Like this one....

What is the biggest source of stress you have in your life? What is the most effective technique you have used to handle it? 

In order to answer this question adequately I must be a bit lengthy. I have been told I possess resilience. As a youth I suffered a great deal from stress related illnesses. At 8 years old I had a stomach ulcer, at 11 shingles, constant stomach problems and severe insomnia. Severe enough that I was prescribed Librium ( I was in 7^th grade).  I was always ill. I continued on in that vein throughout High School, (an extended psychiatric stay in 1973) numerous therapists, drugs, cures and what have you. After High School I struggled with many issues, the worst 2 being alcohol and drugs. (not the prescribed drugs although they were also a problem). I was “diagnosed” severe bi-polar.  More troubles, more drugs (prescribed and otherwise.) Through all of this fun I always held a job and mostly lived on my own. I even had fun sometimes. Other times, not so much. In the 80’s I got married and 2 years later I got divorced. More adventures: good & bad. Another visit to the hospital (extended again).  But still worked, still maintained an excellent outer persona.  The 90’s brought sobriety through the AA program for a few years and then I had my son. Did I mention I was single & sober at the time? Ah, well this event was a total game changer! In the past 16 years, little of that girl that I was has remained, (except perhaps my life saving sense of humor, one of those 8 important resources for coping mentioned on page 80 of our text book.) The other 7 I have learned.  I have studied at great length subjects related to stress & illness, coping strategies, alcohol & drug abuse, depression etc. etc. etc. I am familiar with Seyle’s  General Adaption Syndrome (GAS) and how chronic stress can lead to chronic illness. Also with PTSD & depression and the many different ways of coping with these things: behavior modification, biofeedback, relaxation techniques and many others. I am 53 years of age. I am continuing my education at this time in order to continue to improve and expand on the me I strive to be. In the past 5 years I have lost 35 pounds, gotten divorced (for the 2^nd time), quit smoking (after 30 years), I do not drink at all, I eat healthy food, I exercise, I rest and I deal with what life hands me as it is handed to me. Not before and not after. I believe I possess “HARDINESS”(pg 70 in text), in that I am COMMITTED to my personal welfare and the welfare of my child, I feel I have CONTROL of the outcomes of my events and most importantly of my reactions to those outcomes and I rise to the CHALLENGES when I am faced with them. Every obstacle is a potential for self improvement. I care deeply about the welfare of others, but not at the expense of my own well being. I am employed at a workshop that provides care for the chronically mentally ill, so I am reminded daily of where I do not want to be and how easy it is to be there. I possess an “INTERNAL LOCUS OF CONTROL” which according to the text book on pg 81 means that, (and I am paraphrasing here): “that I believe that I am in charge of my own destiny and am therefore able to adopt more positive coping strategies”. I have bad days, I have great days, I have average days. I make mistakes. I fall short at times. But I never allow falling short to be an excuse for “falling out.” And with that I will close. Thanks for your patience in my verbosity.  

More from school

The definition of capitalism is : an economic system based on private ownership of businesses. By this definition WalMart is simply a participant of our capitalistic system. Businesses are not required by any law that I am aware of to make people "happy". They are required to follow the rules of fair trade and commercialism and tax and employment laws set forth by the government. WalMart practices competitive advantage which is the advantage gained that makes a product more desirable than the competition; persuading customers to buy their product rather than their competitors product. Every business in existence practices this or they would not be in business for very long. Consumers are offered many choices. Walmart is only one of them. If you don't like WalMart then cast your vote by not sharing your dollars with them. Job seekers are also offered a number of options in the job market. Retail jobs are prolific and vary in difficulty, benefit packages (if they have any), working conditions, pay rates etc, etc, etc. If you are seeking employment in this arena and feel that WalMart is unfair or substandard in some way then I would say, don't fill out your application for WalMart. If WalMart is conducting business in an unethical or illegal manner then I would beseech those that are being subjected to these indignities to speak up on their own behalf, there are many ways to do this. That WalMart outsources jobs, well, so do many other companies. Dell, Microsoft, Comcast etc. etc. etc. this is not an illegal practice that I am aware of and I am sure that the folks in China and India are grateful for the opportunity to work as much as anyone in this country. People in the United States are not the only people who need to work and provide for their families.
WalMart. I am neither for it nor am I against it. It is a retail store. I am a consumer. I can make my choice based on my personal needs. The debate will continue ad nauseum, until we move on to the next topic. And there will always be one of this I am certain. My best advice to anyone: consult your own higher authority when making decisions regarding your personal practices.
Peace. :-) Chris 1-11